Applicable Solutions
(1)What you can do when your friends become your enemies.
I am one of the many people in this present life who doesn't like
the idea of being hated. In other words, I don't feel at ease when I
recall the fact that there are some people within and without who
are my true enemies. Frankly speaking, nobody wants to be hated
and nobody wants to have enemies at any one given time. However,
whether you like it or not, you will always have enemies in this life.
You cannot choose your enemies but you can choose your friends.
It is not a big deal to socialize and interact with your friends, but it
is a real assignment when it comes to dealing with your enemies.
Some people will hate you for no apparent reason. Sometimes you
may or may not have an idea of the exact reasons why some people
hate you.
Some of your enemies may be within easy reach whereas others
may be residing in other localities. By the way, let us not rule out
the fact that to some extent, you may be the cause of the offence(s)
which became the bone of contention between you and your enemy.
The most painful experience in your life is when your enemy was
once a close ally to you and all of a sudden, in the course of time, a
sharp schism began. Maintaining true friendship is an expensive
task.
(2)Be Courageous.
If it is possible on your part, be courageous to approach the
individual who has ceased to be a friend and has inevitably
decamped from you. As I have said earlier, you might have been the
cause of the prevailing sour relationship. It is not healthy to start
defending and justifying yourself if you sense that you are the one
who contributed to the existing bad relationship.
Remember, at the end of the day, the principle goal is to win your
friend back. Be honest and admit the offences you caused to your
friend. You need to portray real humility and show your readiness
to reinstate your broken relationship. At certain times, you need to
be willing to accept some petty accusations leveled against you, by
your offended friend, just to ensure that he or she comes back to
you.
(3)Avoid confrontation and engage Clarification.
The bible says that an offended friend is harder to win back than a
fortified city (Proverbs 18:19). There are other factors beyond your
control which may lead to a stale friendship. In the course of your
life, some of your friends may become your enemies because of
negative influence from their other associates who have ill motives
and they are just determined to break your healthy relationship. In
such situations, it is advisable for you to make it clear to your
friend so that he gets to know that you are not responsible for the
unpalatable and misleading information from other sources which
have destroyed your good friendship. In this regard, you also need
to be careful and sober enough and ensure that you have a wide
heart to forgive the person or the people who have stirred animosity
between you and your friend.
Of course you do not want to win your friend back and create
another atmosphere of enmity. Don't be surprised when some
enemies will not be ready to accept your efforts of trying to mend
the severed friendship with them. Some people will sulk and
distance themselves from you. Dealing with such people who are
not willing to open their hearts to you is difficult. (4)Rise above triviality.
If efforts of persuading them to speak their minds fail to bear fruit,
don't waste your time pestering them. Leave that matter in God's
hands. Remember, either in the long run or in the short run, your
assignment is to be a friend of your enemy but not an enemy of
your enemy. Definitely, you will encounter times when people will
misunderstand you and think that you are their enemy when in the
real sense you are not. It may not be easy for you to erase such a
preconception from their hearts. The best thing for you to do when
things go to that extent is to keep quiet, keep your distance from
them and give God time to iron out the strained relationship.
Life Experiences
(1)The day I was confronted.
A certain woman confronted me bitterly. She told me that as I was
preaching at a certain ceremony where she had also been invited, I
crossed her line. She insisted that I had offended her during my
preaching. She went further and stated that she didn't enjoy her
meals during the ceremony because according to her, my message
was attacking her. She fumed at me fearlessly, as she confronted
me boldly. According to her, I was her enemy. As she continued to
attack me, I did not say a word. Silence is a very powerful weapon. I
was just staring at her quietly as she talked. She released her anger
on me for about ten minutes.
Eventually, when she felt that she had uttered all the dirty things
to me, she kept quiet and left me still in my silent state. When she
looked back, she saw me still looking at her. Definitely, the woman
was expecting me to exchange words with her but I didn't. It is
interesting to note that the woman was one of the church members,
in the church where I minister. My personal experience in dealing
and interacting with people in my life has taught me that when a
quarrel or any form of contention begins, the best thing to do in
order to guard against your ego being hurt, is by cultivating a high
degree of love, patience and silence. The bible states that starting a
quarrel is like breaching a dam, therefore stop contention before
quarreling breaks out(Proverbs 17:14). Another good lesson that I
4have learnt when my friends start attacking me for no apparent
cause is to withdraw from the scene of anger and quarrel as soon as
possible and take cover elsewhere and desist from any manner of
retaliation.
I have also learnt to avoid talking negative things either to revenge
or to demean my enemies in the presence of my friends who are
evidently aware of the existing rift between me and my enemies.
It is not an easy thing to keep quiet when someone who has been
your friend attacks you openly and yet you do not hit back. The
woman left the church but after about two years, she came back to
me and told me that from the time she had attacked me, she had
not been having peace in her heart. She told me that she recognized
me as her father and that I should forgive her for what she had
done to me. I told her that I had forgiven her and I was not her
enemy.
What's the point or the driving force which made this woman to
come back to me? The determining principles on my part were love,
patience and silence. You don't have to become a victim of ulcers,
high blood pressure and diabetes just because all of a sudden your
friends have become enemies. Going through a period of intense
enmity from people who have been very close friends to you is
definitely a painful and a trying moment. Unless you are careful
when such experiences come to you, it is easy to make you have
sleepless nights, lack appetite, withdraw from other people, feel
stressed, lack concentration on your work and lose your joy. It is
entirely upon you to avoid getting trapped by any one or all of the
above incidences. You must learn to be their master, or else you will
become their slave.
(2)Another attack.
I had another demoralizing experience with another woman who
was still a close friend and a member of the church where I
minister. In the course of time, the woman left the church without
notifying me. She didn't even take the initiative of explaining to me
5the reason of her sudden withdrawal from the church. My concerted
efforts of trying to reach her became futile.
Surprisingly enough, her husband who had not previously been a
member of our church joined us and became a member. His wife
continued to be at large and she even avoided any possible
conversation between her and me. Any time we happened to meet
with her anywhere by coincidence, her countenance portrayed
evident hatred to me.
I should admit that the disrespectful behavior of this woman
towards me was one of the worst experiences in my life. You see, it
is not an easy thing when your friend departs from you without
notice and more so there is no explanation given for the cause of
withdrawal. Any time I attempted to talk to the woman, she would
not respond. A time came when I stopped talking to her. I continued
to embrace patience, love and silence towards the lady.
(3)Family Squabbles.
One day when I was in my house very early in the morning taking
breakfast, my wife who had gone outside came back and told me
that there was a lady outside who wanted to see me. When I gave a
green light for the lady to come in, I noticed that it was the woman
who had left church and became my enemy for almost three years
down the line. I welcomed her and I didn't show her any vestiges of
indifference. She looked dismal and worried
I didn't even remind her about the bitter past and why she had
treated me so disrespectfully. When I asked her to tell me what she
wanted me to do for her, she told me that she had been having a
strained relationship with her husband for several days and that
had made life very difficult for her. I was aware that she had joined
another church after leaving the church where I minister. I had no
problem with her joining another church.
The woman told me that the reason why she had come to see me
so early in the morning was because she felt that I was the only
person who could intervene to heal the deteriorating relationship
between her and her husband. Of course, she had not come to
mend the broken relationship between her and me. I didn't want to
be an opportunist, by driving her towards my direction! I tried to advise her to seek the assistance of her pastor to resolve
the differences between her and her husband. However, she insisted that though she didn't despise or underrate her pastor, she had a strong conviction that I was the only person who could deal with that matter. She wanted me to visit her home immediately because there was a crisis. I didn't decline her request. I visited her home that same morning
and we had a lengthy discussion of about six hours. Finally, the sharp differences and animosity between her and her husband were resolved. The lady appreciated my efforts and thanked me sincerely. From that day onwards, she changed her perception towards me completely and became a close friend once again.
Time and patience heal many anxieties in life. When your friends close the doors of their hearts to you and become your enemies, don't emulate their bad behavior by closing the door of your heart to them. Leave the door of your heart open to them because one day, certain unpleasant circumstances will compel them to come to you for reunion and your advice. Do not struggle to win them back if they are not willing to cooperate with you. Just settle and wait for God's due time so that he can bring them back to you. You can contact me through;
Email: syomuti@gmail.com or jambsy@yahoo.com
Mobile: +254724649652 or +254718776259
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/jamesmbotela.syomuti.7
Twitter:https://twitter.com/jambsy@yahoo.com
Website: https://www.syomuti.com
Blog: https://syomuti.blogspot.com
2 comments:
Very encouraging indeed keep it up man of God
Very encouraging indeed keep it up man of God 🙏
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